You’re not alone. Most new mothers have doubts about their ability to be good parents. It’s the anxiety of firsts in overdrive. The first time you try to do something new and important, it usually creates anxiety. Since motherhood is life-changing, the anxiety is magnified 100X. Most first-time mothers feel much better after the first few weeks, but sometimes, the thoughts and feelings persist. Some mothers drift on into postpartum mood disorder of one kind or another. Intrusive and persistent worrying thoughts are the hallmark of any depression.
Most first-time mothers feel much better after the first few weeks, but sometimes, the thoughts and feelings persist. Some mothers drift on into postpartum mood disorder of one kind or another.
Intrusive and persistent worrying thoughts are the hallmark of any depression.
What are Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are sudden, uninvited, but persistent thoughts or images of events that you do not want to be imagining. These thoughts and images are contrary to what you usually think or feel. Sometimes, they can be violent and scary images of things you would never think of doing. In Postpartum Depression, they focus on the baby being harmed, crib death, or the mother harming the baby. It is more common with first births.
Rest assured that you will not act on them unless you have a serious mental illness like Schizophrenia, with delusions and hallucinations.
You may wonder how it all begins.
How It Begins
You are at a disadvantage after giving birth. Between the sleep deprivation from having to feed your baby in the middle of the night and the sudden drop in hormones after the birth, no mother feels like her old self. You feel weak and spent. You might feel numb.
Self-care becomes a pipe dream.
Mothers who live far from their extended family and are unable to get help from local friends are at a disadvantage. They have to depend on their partners to help with the baby or with other chores.
As the sleeplessness continues, you feel overwhelmed. You feel like you’re the only mother in the world who can’t cope with a new baby. You may begin to feel inadequate. You worry that you won’t be a good mom.
For some, those feelings subside when they get adequate rest and assistance with household chores. Others cannot shake the feelings of overwhelm.
Am I Losing My Mind?
Feelings of sadness and despair, worrying, and intrusive thoughts may plague you for weeks before you can be diagnosed with Postpartum Depression (PPD). The thoughts fill you with anxiety. Now you feel depressed, anxious, and overwhelmed.
You may worry about:
Dropping the baby
Baby falling off the changing table
Baby drowning in bath water
Scalding the baby with hot water.
Feeding it wrong
Feeding the wrong formula
Neglecting the baby if it cries a lot
Not loving the baby enough
The baby not loving you
Thoughts of suicide
Thoughts or images in your mind about:
Harming the baby intentionally
Sexual thoughts about the baby
You feel ashamed to tell loved ones that you are having those thoughts. You worry that you’re losing your mind because you cannot make the thoughts go away. You’re not losing your mind, but you may need medical help.
You’re ashamed to tell your doctor about your thoughts and worry that they may take the baby away from you.
They won’t.
They will encourage you to seek therapy and offer medications that can help ease various types of postpartum reactions, ranging from Postpartum Depression, Anxiety, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
If a doctor offers you antidepressant medication to help the depression and intrusive thoughts go away, please take it. Doctors would not prescribe medication that could harm your baby.
There is a darker side to postpartum that does not include intrusive thoughts.
Darker Side of Postpartum
Postpartum psychosis does not involve intrusive thoughts, which are foreign to the mother. Between the confusion and the auditory hallucinations, the mother believes her thoughts to be true, and they are not foreign to her.
This is a dangerous condition, and the mother needs to be taken for a psychiatric evaluation right away. It’s best to have the baby cared for by someone else until the mother’s symptoms are under control.
Another dangerous manifestation of postpartum is suicide. Unchecked postpartum mood disorder can lead to suicide. Statistics show that 62% of pregnancy-related suicides occur between 43 and 365 days postpartum.
If you are reading this article to get answers for yourself, please don’t wait. Get help now.
If you are reading this because of concern about a loved one, please get them help now.
What Can I Do to Help Myself?
Therapy and medication can help, but you want to be proactive. Don’t wait till you need a doctor.
Here is a list of things you can do to help yourself, even if you’re already in therapy. Therapy is once a week. You want things to do to fill each waking hour of each day.
Get help.
It’ll get easier.
You’ll be a pro soon, despite the feelings and thoughts.
I promise.